Holiday shopping, makes me wanna puke.

I’m a huge fan of Christmas, I absolutely love it.  Christmas shopping, however I do not like.  It’s just the crowds.  That’s it.  Everything else is just fine.  I had my first near meltdown of the holiday season this past Saturday.  I’m at Kenwood Towne Center, just north of Cincinnati, OH and it’s fucking packed.  Anyone that thinks the economy is bad needs to go to Kenwood Mall and try to find a parking place.  Then tell me the economy’s bad.  If you think the economy’s bad go to the Apple store and try to buy an iPhone.  You’ll have to wait in line.  Yeah, you’ll have to wait in line to buy a $300 phone.  Ok I digress.  This story is really about parking.  Back to parking.  I dropped my wife and baby off at the front door because it was cold and just all around shit weather.  I thought from there, life would be fairly simple.  I’m not looking for a close spot.  I’m don’t care to park in the last spot in the lot.  As I’m driving around I see someone backing out.  Awesome.  I’m gonna get a parking spot sooner than expected.  I pull up, turn on my blinker, as is protocol in this situation.  The guy drives away and just as I’m pulling up to my spot.  A GOD DAMN YUPPIE pulls right into my parking space.  Now the laws of society clearly award this parking spot to me but this Dodge Caravan mother fucker thinks the rules of society don’t apply to him.  He pulls right in front of me.  I’m struck dumb.  The only thing I can do is mouth the words “what the fuck” to his blonde wife as they’re pulling into my spot.  I think for a second, ” I should just run right into his car.”  The moment passes and my anger with this family quickly goes away.  Now I’m just thinking that this guy doesn’t abide by society’s rules and now his offspring are learning early that it’s ok just to steal someone else’s parking spot.  Those two yuppie kids, I call them Reagan and Braden (or something close to that) wll some day be taking a parking spot from my little girl.  It’s a vicious cycle.

The Comet

Comet 4579 Hamilton Ave.  Northside

If you find yourself in Northside, go to The Comet.  This is a super cool bar that boasts an awesome beer selection, ginormous burritos, local art on the walls, the best jukebox in town, and tons of tattooed girls.  Be sure to catch the Comet Bluegrass All stars on Sunday nights.  Or stop by for happy hour on a Friday.  Order a can of Pabst, a burrito and play some George Jones on the jukebox.

The Comet clientele is usually a pretty good crowd.  The douche bag level is almost always very low.  You may, on a rare occasion, see douche bags at The Comet but don’t worry they won’t stay long.  The lack of a cover charge confuses them from the start and upon entering The Comet a douche bag will almost immediately feel uncomfortable when they notice the absence of other douche bags.

The Comet is krstype recommended bar, so go there.

Curb coming back?

Larry David and Evan Rachel Wood

Yeah that’s right, Curb Your Enthusiasm will return.  Filming for season seven is set to begin this December.  Of course no details of the story line have been released.  The 10-episode run is expected to air in 2009.

The jerk store called

It’s Sunday afternoon at the grocery and the first stop of most grocery visits is to the deli.  You take a number, you wait your turn, you order food, you continue on.  I like to do it quickly and efficiently.  No wasted time.  In and out.  On this particular Sunday afternoon I arrive at the deli counter, take a number, and it begins.  Now I very rarely feel I’ve got it in me to attack a perfect stranger but today that may change.

“Number 49″ the deli lady says “Number 49?  Number 49?  Number 50?”

“Ooohhh, I’m number 49″ says the lady that soon will turn into my mortal enemy.

“Let me get uhhhhhh, let me get some uhhhhhhh.  What’s on sale”?

“The specials are listed on the counter.”  The deli lady’s pointing to the special board.

“Ok, lemme try a slice of that $4.99 turkey”  My nemisis asks.

The deli lady slices a piece of turkey.

“Ooooh, that’s way to salty.  Why’s that so salty?  OOOOOOH, that’s salty.  Lemme try some of that bologna that’s $3.99″

The deli lady slices a piece of bologna.

“This the only kind of bologna yall have”?  Asks the lady I’ve grown to hate over the last minute.

“No maam, we also have Boars Head and Private Selection”

“Ok I don’t think y’all have the kind I wanted, lemme get some of that roasted chicken yall have on sale”

“How much would you like maam”  Asks the deli lady.

“Lemme just try a slice, I don’t know if that’s the kind I like”

Ok so you get the picture.  This continues on for what seems like an eternity.  I’m standing behind this woman, trying to keep my composure.  This trip to the deli is a complete failure.  A fiasco.  It’s hard to stay composed.  Hard to not attack this woman with a french baggette.  Hard to keep from stabbing her with a skewer from the olive bar.  Nearly impossible to refrain from drowning her in the lobster tank.  Ok maybe I’m overreacting, but holy fuck, can I just order a pound of Boar’s Head Honey Ham and be on my way before I have a goddamn stroke.

Finally the woman gets her food and continues on.  The other customers and I collectively let out a sigh of relief.  Now we can all continue on with our day.  I just hope I don’t find myself behind this woman in the check out line.  I’ll bet she writes a check.

I was right

Well I was right.  A day before the election I predicted an Obama landslide.  It happened, so BOOSH!

How’d it go today?

I left the house at about 1045, walked a few blocks to the voting place, voted and walked home.  The entire process took me about 20 minutes.  There are horror stories on the news about people waiting for hours to vote.  Where did you vote?  How long did it take you?  Any problems?

Here’s my prediction

On November 4th, Barack Obama will win the election with 300 electoral votes or more.  I also think he’ll win Ohio, the state that W. counted on in 2004.  What do you think?